Today I am feeling so guilty, ashamed and lost.
Part of me thinks maybe two is enough? But then the other part says 4 is enough and any less is a failure. I want more children. I want to have a big loving family. I want to teach and do neat things with my children. I love my girls and enjoy 95% of my time with them. The othe 5% is when I am tired and in need of a break.
What is a break? And how much do i need? I wish i knew. How do single mothers do it? I am feeling tapped out and that I am not getting as much help as I need. But what and how much I have no idea. I have a supportive family and Mike is doing all he can while working a ton. I just don't know.
Maybe it is the house? I have always hated cleaning and I hate it even more now. But the mess bothers me so much more right now. I feel closed in and trapped by it. It never ends and if we leave it for one day it is a sty again. The more I think about it, the more I think it is the house and spring fever.....I can not wait to get outside. The thing about cleaning is that it makes me grumpy and takes me away from my kids. I want to be one of those neat moms who does cool activities and crafts. I hate that cleaning takes me away from it. Any tips on how to balance with out getting a maid?